You're a poison. Yet I stay, still.

Aku tahu aku siapa.

Aku tahu aku ini siapa bagi kau.

Heck, aku ini bukan siapa-siapa bagi kau.

Aku tahu itu.

Satu kenyataan yang aku memang sudah tahu.

Tapi aku cuba tangkis.

Dan sekarang kenyataan itu memakan diri.

Ah, sakitnya. 

Until when will I have this feeling?

Cause I can't take it anymore. 

It kills me.

Heck, it kills me hard. 

2 pagi punya cerita.

assalamualaikum wbt.

There's something in my heart yet I can't seem to let it out. And I don't even know how to put it in words. Hmm.

Oh ya, kalau teringat bukan maknanya rindu kan? Kan? Sebab tengah teringat ni tapi tak rasa rindu. 

Aku tengah buntu ni nak siapkan satu short story. Kena siapkan jugak macam mana pun. Iyelah, kalau dah usaha tanya tuan punya cerita, call bagai sampai sejam lebih, kenalah siapkan, kan? 

Oh, these are all my random thoughts. Perhaps I am approaching the time of the month or perhaps it's the Lana Del Rey songs in playlist. 

Or perhaps, I just wanna say that you happened to cross my mind. 

Oh, saya ngidam Dark Chocolate Hershey's. 

Dan sepotong kek coklat moist. 

Tapi kalau dapat red velvet pun best jugak. Bisou punya lah tapi. 

Random kindness.

assalamualaikum wbt.

A random act of kindness will always put a smile on your lips. No matter at what ends you are. Either the receiving or the giving ends. 

I really need to let out my tears tonight. Yet, I can't get them out. However, by saying random, good things to people, I can smile again. 

I still need to cry though. It just doesn't seem that urgent anymore. 

Try again tomorrow. Perhaps? 

That morning.

assalamualaikum wbt.

I am really proud of myself when I didn't shed any single tears that morning. Instead, you only see my smile. And that's the last thing you see from me. I pat myself for that.

The truth is, I was afraid that I'd cry my eyes out that day. 

I am glad I didn't. 

Really, really glad. 

It has been a month.

My old man is a thief and I'm gonna stay and pray with him till the end
But I trust in the decision of the Lord to watch over us
Take him when he may, if he may
I'm not afraid to say that I'd die without him
Who else is gonna put up with me this way?
I need you, I breathe you, I never leave you
They would rue the day I was alone without you
You're lying with your gold chain on, cigar hanging from your lips
I said, "Hon, you never looked so beautiful as you do now, my man.".

***

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime.

***

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That, baby, you're the best.

***

And there's no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead.

*Off to The Races / Born to Die / Summertime Sadness / Dark Paradise. All are by Lana Del Ray. Kinda obsess with her work right now.