You're no good.

And yet I keep coming back to you.

Sometimes I think I am a masochist. Love to put myself in pain. The pain makes me feel alive. Yet at the same time it makes me feel dead inside.

I contradict myself too much lately. My mind is saying something else while my heart is saying the other.

I am not sure myself. Things become complicated. And I really don't know how to simplify it. Or maybe I do know. I'm just denying it. Cause most of the time it seems easier. A coward, I know.

I wish things are simpler. I wish I don't have this feeling. I wish I am better. I wish.

I wanna be a happy me. I wanna be a carefree me. Yeah, I miss the old me.

My dearest old Farhana, will you please come back?

Man, I was ashamed

So, I went to Bangkok last few weeks. Trying to have a vacation but it ended up badly for me. Oh well, that's another story. What I wanna tell you here is, how ashamed I was with Bangkok. 

I dunno why but I always has a perception that we, Malaysians are wayy advanced that people of Thailand. In terms of technology, civilizations etc. Yeah, so silly, right? 

And Bangkok did a good job in proving me wrong. Well, technically Bangkok doesn't differ much from KL. Malls, highways, cars, tall buildings, LRTs. There're everywhere. But Bangkok has one thing that we Malaysians do not have. 

Manners. Yep, manners. And discipline. 

I went to their LRT and I was amazed! I didn't expect to see these people who I thought were less civilized than Malaysians are queuing to get into the LRT. And oh, there's more. They waited for people in the train to get off first before they get on the train. Man, I was speechless. How I long to see this view in KL. 

Wait, I haven't finish. These people too have the manners to not litter. It was so hard to find trashcan in the streets of Bangkok yet it is even harder to find trash! Yet, Malaysia has trashcan almost everywhere but you still see litters everywhere. 

Bangkok, or even better, people of Thailand, I owe you an apology. I had a wrong misconception of you and now I know better. 

Thank you for opening my sepet eyes, Bangkok. Will definitely visit you again. Cause I miss your tomyam so much!

Hey, I'm back!

Er, hi?

Okay, I cannot remember the last time I wrote here but oh I'm here again!

Gosh, how I miss writing. But really, I don't really know what to write. I think I've lost the touch. :(

I did a quick re-read of what I wrote here last time. Urgh, I cringed. I cringed hard. Yet, I wrote well. Hehe

Anyway, you may find me here again. I wanna start writing again. Writing is my escapism and God knows how I long for one right now.

And blog, I did something bad. I am in deep trouble. Oh, I'm dreading tomorrow. God, please help me to ease this one for me? Pretty please?

RIP MH17

assalamualaikum wbt.

After five months of MH370 disappearing, Malaysia has encountered another aviation tragedy. The crashes of MH17 from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur is really a devastating news. It breaks every Malaysian's hearts especially after the accident with MH370. 

I couldn't say much as I am not an expert. I could only pray for the victims' souls to rest in peace and the calamity granted to the families affected. I read a news saying a lady lost her brother through MH370 accident and this time, she lost a stepdaughter in MH17. That just breaks my heart even more. 

This is the second time this year I shed my tears to strangers. I pray there won't be a third.  

Goodnight dear passengers of MH17. May you all rest in peace. May God The Almighty bless your souls. And, be strong dear families. We, Malaysians, stand right behind you. 

#JusticeForMH17

Hey awak.

Hey awak. Thank you for being a complete asshole.

Thank you for giving me a reason to hate you. I've spent months searching for it.

Oh well, it's official then.

I hate you. With every atom I have in me.