You're no good.

And yet I keep coming back to you.

Sometimes I think I am a masochist. Love to put myself in pain. The pain makes me feel alive. Yet at the same time it makes me feel dead inside.

I contradict myself too much lately. My mind is saying something else while my heart is saying the other.

I am not sure myself. Things become complicated. And I really don't know how to simplify it. Or maybe I do know. I'm just denying it. Cause most of the time it seems easier. A coward, I know.

I wish things are simpler. I wish I don't have this feeling. I wish I am better. I wish.

I wanna be a happy me. I wanna be a carefree me. Yeah, I miss the old me.

My dearest old Farhana, will you please come back?

Man, I was ashamed

So, I went to Bangkok last few weeks. Trying to have a vacation but it ended up badly for me. Oh well, that's another story. What I wanna tell you here is, how ashamed I was with Bangkok. 

I dunno why but I always has a perception that we, Malaysians are wayy advanced that people of Thailand. In terms of technology, civilizations etc. Yeah, so silly, right? 

And Bangkok did a good job in proving me wrong. Well, technically Bangkok doesn't differ much from KL. Malls, highways, cars, tall buildings, LRTs. There're everywhere. But Bangkok has one thing that we Malaysians do not have. 

Manners. Yep, manners. And discipline. 

I went to their LRT and I was amazed! I didn't expect to see these people who I thought were less civilized than Malaysians are queuing to get into the LRT. And oh, there's more. They waited for people in the train to get off first before they get on the train. Man, I was speechless. How I long to see this view in KL. 

Wait, I haven't finish. These people too have the manners to not litter. It was so hard to find trashcan in the streets of Bangkok yet it is even harder to find trash! Yet, Malaysia has trashcan almost everywhere but you still see litters everywhere. 

Bangkok, or even better, people of Thailand, I owe you an apology. I had a wrong misconception of you and now I know better. 

Thank you for opening my sepet eyes, Bangkok. Will definitely visit you again. Cause I miss your tomyam so much!